How to write your wedding vows
Firstly, congratulations on your engagement! One of the most powerful parts of your wedding day will be your personal vows (not to get confused with the legal vows!). Your personal vows are the promises you make to each other in front of your favourite people.
I know wedding planning comes with a lot of stress, so to make it a little easier, I have created this short vow writing guide.
The different types of wedding vows
What are the personal vows?
At their heart, personal vows are the bit of the ceremony where you look into each other’s eyes, probably hold hands, say some lovely things, and make promises about the life you’ll share. They’re your declaration of love and commitment. It’s a public way of saying “this is who we are, and this is how I choose you.”
How do personal vows differ from legal vows?
Personal vows come from the heart and can be whatever you want them to be. The legal vows must follow a specific set of wording and are required by law. Each partner must say the legal vows for a marriage to be legally registered in Australia.
During the legal vows, both partners must say "I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, (Name), take thee, (Name), to be my lawful wedded (Choose one: husband, wife, spouse, partner in marriage)" or words to that effect.
You need to include your full first names, but surnames aren’t necessary if we’ve already said them earlier. Don’t stress about this part. I’ll guide you through this on the day.
How to Write Your Vows
Of course, your vows are your vows so you don’t have to follow this guide. But here is some advice from my observations in my time as a marriage celebrant.
Start Early & Chat Together
Give yourself a good month or two. Don’t leave it to the night before! You want to minimise the stress as much as possible in the lead up to your wedding day.
Talk about tone: do you want them funny, emotional, or a mix?
Decide if you’ll share them ahead of time or keep them secret until the big reveal.
If you’re keeping it a surprise, agree on a rough length (about 2 minutes or 250 words works well)
If you’re stuck, try prompts like:
“The first time I saw you…”
“I promise to…”
“You make me feel…”
Brainstorm What You’ll Say
Here are some questions you can reflect on to help you shape your personal vows:
About you: Who were you before you met? How have you grown?
About them: What quirks, strengths, or little things make your heart flip?
About you together: What’s a defining moment? What have you overcome? What future do you dream of building?
About marriage: What does it mean to you?
Shape Your Thoughts into Vows
Think of two parts: “I love you because…” and “I promise to…”
Start by saying you love them. Don’t leave that unsaid.
Add personal stories or funny moments to make it real.
Make promises, both big (lifelong devotion) and small (like sharing snacks or killing spiders).
Mix humour with sincerity. Laughs are great but balance it with what’s in your heart.
End by looking forward. What are your hopes and dreams? What is next to come?
Edit & Polish
Write a draft, then step away and come back with fresh eyes.
Ask someone you trust to read them. They can tell you if the tone balances well with your partner’s.
The Delivery
How will you hold your vows? I have a vow folder you can both use, but sometimes couples like to organise a keepsake version, to read out of a special book or use something else.
Practice out loud, slowly, with pauses.
Don’t try to memorise them. Emotions run big on the day and reading is totally fine.
Keep them safe until the ceremony.
I hope this was helpful for you! I can’t wait to hear your vows!
